Life sux Right now But,,,

i miss the good days when i was in love,,,that overberring feeling that came over my body and i had some 1 to love..and be in love with..i want that now..i miss being in love i miss EVERYTHING!.. well heres one of my poems i wrote last summer...


One day i fell in love..
i felt like he was from
heaven above. He came and took
my heart from me.. i wish to God
it wouldnt have happend..i beg
on my knees.

I beg because it hurts so bad
This boy was the best i ever had.
I dont know why i feel this way,
I know i always will. I get scared
when i look at his window, right up
the hill.

He will always mean something to me
and always be in my heart. Only it
seems to me like he still has it
and i hate being apart. A kajillion
words couldnt say just how i feel.
But a million years away ill be
loving him still.

When I look at him right dead
in the face, hes the only thing
that makes me feel like i can escape.
No matter i feel he always puts a smile
on my face. I feel like hes 1 in a million
and words could never define...how i will
always and forever want him to be mine.

yea yea yea...i kno...i was in love..but its how i felt..and we've had our ups and downs..and were finally ok..were not 2gether or n e thing..i dunno if that would work out...but we're friends..and im glad..hes still hot and hes still got a place in my heart..where hes always been,,and where he'll always stay. u kno who u r..

ok i havent posted n e thing in a while but im going to start writing again ...at least 3 times a week!!!! well last night i went to see someone i care about alot..and we ya kno! did it...3 times...its was nice...but i think its just that...like we dont see eachother out of the bedroom...im tired of not having a boyfriend thats proud and wants to be with me and wont blow me off for there friends or be emarassed b/cuz of me...it makes me feel bad,,,,i dont know what he wants and if he did ask me out or something i would more than likely say yes..well as a matter of fact i would say yes....but his "friends" dont like girls like me..im ugly and fat and im just tired of being that girl..well ive been on a diet and ive lost a few pounds...im gonna keep doing what im doing,,and when they see me looking good..there gonna wish they were never a bitch to me...just watch and see...life sux for me right now,,,i dont have ne 1 i can count on right now and i need something stable in my life like a bf..i have never had a real valentine b4..and this year i want one..i had something for valentines like 2 years ago...but in a mad rage..i tore it to shreds.,..and i wish i didnt ..i have a pic of it and i look at it and all it does is remind me of the good days ..when he was good to me and we were happy. i miss that.. some 1 help me.plz

~Bubbles~

i got my lip pierced!!!!! in the middle on the bottom Libret its called well juss wanted to let ppl who read this kno it.so yea
Jamie

Life is reall good everything is falling into place how it was suppose 2 im single and im fucking loving it,,,, im moving 2 georgia in like 2 months and ima start a new life with new ppl and make new friends and ima get in with the good croud ,,not the bad 1,,i havent been having sex or doing srugs and im proud,,im graduating soon i get my restics next wendsday life is good
L8er Bitches

i think i found him..REALLY. he is so sweet, and he makes me tingle inside ,,,wow i really wish i wouldnt get involved again cuz im always the one getting hurt,,i think ill b ok i have a long life to live plus hes great with Jorden and she adores him well ima go cuz im going to saras to go swimming with sam so L8er..
skjhfdgljhfdg

well i am at ashleys house right now and im sick!!!!!my nose is all stoped up and im conjested eck!!! terra and sierras b day part waz really fun! omg sam is coming down really soon and i cant wait to see her,,,my sister-bestfriend- might be moving back down from tennesee!!!that makes me happy i cant wait to see her either,,that means i actually got something to look foward to ...yay!!! well i juss woke up n everything but im tired so im going back to sleep! L8er sluts

Since u've been away
Things aint been the same
I miss you more and more each day
Sumthin about your love
I just cant get enough
I wish it wouldnt hurt so much

You dont know what you done to me
I can't sleep at night baby
Wishin you were here with me
There's sumthin about the love you give
No one else can give it to me
I miss you like crazy

i miss u like fuckin crazy!

No matter what I do
I cant stop thinkin of you
Your always on my mind
My heart is not a home
Since youve been gone
I wish you would come back to me
You dont know what youve done to me
I cant sleep at night baby
Wishin you were here with me
There's sumthin about the love you give
No one else can give it to me
I miss you like crazy


Now I realized how much you mean to me
You are my everythin
I miss you baby

I miss you like crazy
I miss you bein my baby
I MISS YOU LIKE FUCKIN CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!

i miss vince.. like a whole friken lot i kno he kinda treated me like crap in the past but i still missed him.. i think he was that way so he could look cool in front of his friends..i dunno,,but there not hiz friends n e more and thats good for him cuz there trouble makers and he dont need that. OMG this Dorset guy is fukin PHSYCO!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 real he scared me really bad last night (call me ill give u details) im 4 real NO MORE DORSET 4 me i blocked his number from calling my cell so he cant call me ne more thank god! i feel really miserable..i dunno y tho,,n e wayz im tired and im goin 2 bed LaTerzzz

well, nothing real intersting has been going on except Josh wants to buy me a promise ring why? i dont know i dont want to be with him dont feel for him any more, i told him that. Dorset, Jerry, Tony and Dave all want to come see me, they are all Jamaican and they are all hot, I went to a party sunday night and i had so much fun, i drank i smoked nothing could have been better. Mom And Rusty redid my room and it looks awesome and Rusty is pretty cool at times when hes not bitching and thats the only time i like him, and he and mom talked to me the other day and told me they want me to stay home more so i guess i kinda have to since he gave me a car and does all this shit for me, its nice to know he cares but it makes me wonder cuz i know he is a perv if he wants something in return?? maybe i dont know. well i gotta go cuz eddie wants the computer and he stops pinchin my butt !!!!!!!!!! this is eddie this is jamies journal she is a retard she licks alot of pussy she is a lezbo, she has a big ass and yea
BYE

u kno wat i just noticed, i dont update as much as i used to n e more,oh well, ppl came over to my house last night Vince and Deen, vince says he still loves me and all but everytime im with him hes all "can i eat u out?" and will u give me head, and lets do it ya kno and if i say no he gets angry with me so i give and make myself feel bad. But Deen doesnt care if i say no or yes he just goes along with it, and when he talked to Shawn and he told me everything Deen had said, i was like "WOW" this boy really does like me, and he is really nice and i like him, but i love Vince and i dont know what to do Guyo wants to go out with me, Josh wants to go out with me, Robert and Craig , WTF thats alot , there is nothing special about me why do all these fools want me, i dont give it up easy, im not a slut, im not hot or have a perfect body n all, i dunno,,,w/e im getting sick of all this crap shit fuk cunt bitch whore fuk fuk fuk whore cunt!! wat do i do? plz someone help me!!!!

whats up yall' not much here juss keepin it real...lets see i juss broke up with this boy named Deen today, hopefully like i think my ex, the love of my life will ask me back out...omg it will make me soooooooooooooooo happy he told me he loved me last week!!!and last night we had hot sexy sex...so everything is gonna fall into place how i have wanted it to be for a long time, im gettin a job a car and my love and ahhhhhhhh everything....im happy ,that boy Deen were still friends cuz hes cool to hang with so yea, and i cant wait to see Vince again i slept with his shirt and his baby pik last night, and i had the Dash thingy he gave it talks its the boy from the movie the incredibles, i feel so weird inside like butterflies or somethin i dunno...well,im gonna go im gonna make my cousin samantha a live journal,,so much luv mwahh
Jamie

Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here, don't put out the glow.
Hold me now, don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the girl that ive become.

Send in this beautiful loneliness thats tragical
So help me I can't win this war,
Touch me now don't bother if every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the girl ive become.

Lookin back on the things ive done,
I was tryin to be some one i played my part
left u in the dark, now let me show u the shape of my heart.

Im here, with my confession, i got nothin to hide no more
i dont kno where to start, but to show you
the shape of my heart.

im lookin back on the things ive done
I never want to play the same old part
I wont keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart.

im feelin real bad right now 1 of my really good friends died sunday night and i went to his viewing today and ive basically been cryin since then..he was in a car accident and he didnt make it,,an animal was in the road and he swirved so he wouldnt run over it,,and instead he killed himself and the animal..so yea....well im goin home tomorrow and i dunno wats gonna happen cuz my mom is a major bitch and i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking sick of her i cant stand her when i turn 17 i am gonna move out i love her cuz she brought me into this world,,but other than that i cant stand her shes way to protective to the point i cant even have a guy in my drivway for more than a second..my friend K gets a car and my mom goes all fucking mafia on me and is all like UR NOT ALLOWED TO SEE HER N E MORE!!(*&#(*$&@@$(*#Q&$(Q*# ahhhh fuck her she thinks she can stop me from doing wat i want ,,uhh think again mom,,if she thought she could stop me from doing shit it would have stoped a longgggggggggggg time ago ,,lets see um i sneak out ALLLLLLLLL the time i have sexxxxxxxx alllllllll the time,,and shes not gonna stop me cuz i do wat i want when i want with or without her permission,,((well when shes not around or sleeping))) she doesnt kno what i do but wat pisses me off is that she blocked one of my friends numbers cuz she knos hes black,,well Mikhail and Shwan and Vince aint white and she dont stop them from calling AHHHHHHHHHHHh she makes me fucking sick now can u see y i ran away TWICE????~!!!!!!(*^% *&$%&^%$&^$#*@&^%#@($*&@^ w/e ima still do wat i do aint no1 gonna stop me I DEDICATE THIS TO U MOM U STUPID DITSY DUMB ASS FUCKING BITCH LYIN ASS WHORE!!!!! i hope she finds this and reads it one day and she willl find out how i feel about her.....I WANNA MOVE IN WITH MY DAD FUCK THIS SHIT!!! im done wit my mom
L8er bitches and fukers
Jamie

Here we are so what you gonna do?
Do I gotta spell it out for you?
I can see that you got other plans for tonight
But I don't really care

Size me up you know I beat the best
Tick tock no time to rest
Let them say what their gonna say
But tonight I just don't really care

Come on baby we ain't gonna live 4ever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know you wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
Come with me tonight
We could make the night last 4ever

I've seen it all I've got nothing to prove
Come on baby just make your move
Follow me lets leave it all behind tonight
Like we just don't care

Let me take you on the ride of your life
That's what I said alright
They can say what they wanna say
Cause tonight I just don't even care

Lets pretend you're mine
You got what I like
I got what you like
Oh come on
Just another taste and you'll still want more
So tell me what your waiting for

Come on baby we ain't gonna live 4ever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know you wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
So come with me tonight
We could make the night last 4ever

ive been cryin since 4 ever my nieces moved to Georgia 2 day and i love them so fucking much i dont know my my sister is taking them away from me she is so fucked up in the head the dont kno n e 1 up there at all and shes just rueining them i keep watching the video of terra singing u r my sunshine and 1 2 3 4 5 1nce i caught a fishalie over and over i miss them so fucking much i want to just drive there and kidnap them and not tell n e 1 were i am going, my mom is a fucking bitch and i cant take her n e more i want to move out her house she makes me sick shes a fucking bitch sometimes i really feel like i truely hate her i wish i had a different mom sometimes b cuz she dont really kno me even tho shes been around me my whole life. My head is so emotionally fucked right now. im thinkin about askin the guy ive been in love with 4ever out but im nervous cuz ive never asked out a guy b4 and i dont want him to say no maybe ill just wait until the right moment or just wait till he asks me out IF HE DOES.. i dunno..well im gonna go i think i need to get to sleep b4 i go home cuz i kno i wont sleep when i go bak there cuz im alwayz depressed there unless i am on the phone with someone who makes me feel better ...well bye
Jamie

life really sux...do yall ppl kno how hard it is for me to sit at home on valentines day with nothing? yea i cried b cuz it got me thinking how all men are fucking scum u cant trust n e of them they all do the same fucking thing i wish they would just b mature and stop acting like a 12 year old they think they can get n e girl they want n e time they want and they juss players and punk bitches they cant settle for a sweet girl who gives them what they want...what do they want a hot bitch who cant keep the door between her legs closed..they dont want a girl for who she really is on the inside they go for looks and body types and that hurts most of us b cuz alot of girls dont look "Like That" ya kno and it really hurts if it all came down to the point where if i wanted to get in someone elses body i would do it in a heartbeat juss so i wouldnt have to feel the pain of the taunting and punk lil boys who think they somethin b cuz thats wat it is we have feelings and boys dont care if u hurt or not and if they do they aure dont show it..im always feelin pain cuz im stuck on 1 boy and i think i need to tlk to a counselor or something cuz this shit aint gonna go away ya kno y?? Cuz now at this moment i kno for a fact that Vincent Thomas was my first love and i love him now and i dont want that to change but i want the pain to go away. thats all i ask for and thats not alot//////////////////i hate life its so fucking meaningless to me right now and i want to run away......im goin to go drink some more robatussin and drink another hypnotiq bottle (its like 3 1/2 inches tall) i havent taken drugs to make my pain go away in a while but now its working and im liking it,,i want to move with my dad so i dont have to worry bout shit no more well bye ladies and fuks fukhead bitches

I want to go back to the times when thing were right when we could hang out and never fight
when we showed eachother how much we cared and promised eachother we always be there
I wanna go back to the times when I could call you just to say good-night
And I wanna go back to the times when I could hug and kiss you all night..
Oh I worte this cuz i just wanted to
.

i am crying so hard right now and i dont kno y..im juss thinkin bout old memories why
cant i b stuck on some other boy why Vince fucking why ,,i still love him thats what my heart is telling me my my gut is saying get over it hes a playa bitch and he juss wants ya pussy.. i look at piks i got of him and i juss cry,,i cant help it i love him so much and i wish he didnt think he was the shit ,,i kno why girls like him its becuause he tells them they r beatuful and shit like that...it hurts so bad because i cant say no,,,why the fuck cant i do it..every time he leaves or i leave my house or w/e i think "Jamie what the fuck did u juss do"" "why do u keep pulling urself in again"" why do i do it,,I kno fa sho i dont like gettin hurt why does my heart keep taking it Its bout to fucking explode i wish all the girls in the world except me would dissapear for a while so it could juss be me and him for a while like it used to be when he was nice and sweet.. i cant stop fucking crying i am right now as i write and i cant stop i want to stop but the tears keep falling My cuzin sam called me today and told me her boyfriend (ex now) was playin her and i told her i knew how she felt..i just want a guy who can b truthful wit me and not lie thats all i ask..i had no fucking valentine..i guess im juss not wat guys look for but whats below the belt they dont want a relationship wit a sweet girl they want what they can get N leave they ass...w/e i gotta go ima go finnish cryin..bye!! Yall tell me why all the bad shit gotta happen 2 me?? thats my ? i just wish i was deaf or blind all my life before this so i didnt have to see or hear n e thing n e guy has ever said and lied about..!!!

i got muh money jacked last night,,my ex boyfriend stole my 10 dollars..!!!wtf the only money i have that i owe to someone. ima get that bak ,cuz if i dont ima go mafia on his ass that shit aint right..hell nahh aint nobody steal from me and get aways with it and not only that he took all my condoms each day ima ask him how many he got left to see if he fuked ne one,,,that punk..IT PISSES ME OFF!!AHH,,juss 2 think that boy im in love with stole from me not only once but 2wice he stole my money and my heart..whats he gonna take next my dignity and faith?? shit he probly took that to i juss dont kno it yet...well im very cold and my comp is a piece of crap i got a new aim thingy its my old screen name still from like 2 years ago that i made up at my friend Kaliegh's house but its cool well i gots to go im tired Byes 4 now..
Jamie

well my mind is set and im actually not feeling depressed or ne thing i feel good except IM SICK....ick..yea so ive been in bed since 2 and i just woke up and i felt like getting on the computer so HERE I AM i think i want to do something tonight since i am leaving tomorrow...maybe ill call someone to hang out with me or something cuz i wont be home till saturday so yea,,,,well im gonna go bitches BYE!


Jamie